Externalizing the self-loathing

A couple of minutes ago, I was head-bobbing and lip-syncing along to Wolf Parade’s “Shine a Light” when I felt a moment of panic — was anyone around? Would I get caught in my brief second of abandon? The thing is, I wasn’t embarrassed by my behaviour, but rather my choice of tunes. Would I get mocked for liking a band that is SO 2 years ago?

God, it’s times like these that I am absolutely repulsed by the person that I’ve become and the people whose opinions matter to me. Skinny jeans, scarves, heavy bangs, fucking indie rock — when did I turn into a hipster?

It started innocuously enough, my love of music, but that soon grew into an insatiable need to know the newest and best bands before anyone else. I wanted to be able to nod knowingly when someone mentioned a band, but I also wanted to wow them with my own knowledge. Being on the cutting edge is a heady feeling when you’re surrounded by a bunch of people with your same fucked-up sense of self worth.

Earning hipster cred means caring intensely that people think you’re cool, while at the same time acting like you don’t care at all, which is what the really cool people are capable of without even trying.

I’m trying to stop myself from equating my self-esteem with what people I don’t even know think of my taste in music or clothing, but I still have a bit of growing up to do.

And I fucking hate Dov Charney, so there.

Back to school

Lithuania is considering a name change to boost investments and tourism in the state. I think I’ve got a better idea.

Look children, this is Europe! Where’s Lithuania, you ask? Why, it’s number 24, up there by Russia and Poland! Shall we go in for a closer look?

Ahhh, geography.

I absolutely blame my sub-par American education for convincing me at a young age that the only country worth studying was my own. When I moved to Vancouver, considering myself a fairly open-minded person, I got my ass handed to me by scores of Canadians eager to demonstrate just how much they didn’t care about the States. Their knowledge of world geography was much, much better than my own, probably because Canadians are (for the most part) not cursed with the crippling and delusional superiority complex most Americans labor under.

So that’s where I come to my suggestion, though I admit it’s not anything Lithuania could implement. American education system, raise your standards! Let the damn kids see a globe once in a while, and maybe smaller countries won’t have to consider installing a giant red blinking arrow so that people will know they’re there.

Schadenfreude

I can’t help but secretly delight in Roger Federer’s recent loss. Part of my always-root-for-the-underdog spirit seems to involve a certain distaste for those who are naturally, somehow arrogantly, good at what they do.

However, now that his hot streak has ended, I can finally start to cheer for him. He’s got to fight his way back! I can almost get behind it, and then I remember this:

And the distaste comes rolling back. He’s just another fashionista’s pretty boy (albeit the number one pretty boy of the number one fashionista).